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When he messages women on OKCupid, it’s time-consuming: He reads the profile and tailors each email with personal details. “The last person I matched with was Allison,” he says.
If he were to send a message to Allison on a Sunday, Monday, or Tuesday, it would read: Hey there Miss Allison.
By doing so, he exposes himself to less risk, an appealing upside to James, who’s had two difficult breakups.
He’s since had thousands of matches—so many that he’s had to refine his strategy.
But the onslaught of crass emails has been so exhausting that she began collecting the worst messages at her Tumblr, theyreallysaidthis.
I think I literally said out loud, “Yes, you.” “That’s kind of normal,” she says, sipping a bourbon on the rocks. To find out how some people manage to stand apart from the masses, and how it feels to be so desired, I asked Rudder to introduce me to the most popular OKCupid daters in the city in four categories—straight and gay women and straight and gay men.“Sometimes there’s no stemming the tide.”) Her new account, loandthecosmos, looks similar, but “casual sex” isn’t selected.“The quality is better,” she says, though she admits that the experience of sifting through such a high percentage of creeps has made her more pessimistic; she finds it harder to tell the difference between “someone who’s genuine and someone who’s not; tons of my friends feel the same way.” She even worries that she’s wasting her time, like she’s racking up high scores on Candy Crush rather than really connecting.In the two years Lauren has been on the site, she estimates that she’s gone on only 20 dates. I just look at the first sentence and delete delete delete.” At a dark, candlelit West Village bar, James Hawver, a 29-year-old real-estate agent and New York’s most popular straight guy, is the living embodiment of his OKCupid handle, My Ties Are Skinny.Preppily handsome, he’s dressed in a well-fitting H&M blazer with, yes, a skinny black tie and matching pocket square.